Dear Other Ladies In The Gym Locker Room,
This is not your bathroom at home. Perhaps it looks like your bathroom at home, I don't know you and haven't been to your house so I can't say for sure whether or not your family group showers and keeps their things in lockers, but whatever may be prompting this confusion, I hope that we can clarify where, exactly you are. So let's start by agreeing that this is not your bathroom at home.
One of the things that might clue you in on the not-home-bathroom thing is all of the STRANGE WOMEN YOU DON'T KNOW who are walking around naked. For example, I am currently standing behind you, wet, cold, and shivering in my towel, having just showered, and I can not get into my locker WHERE MY CLOTHES ARE because you have dumped your bag in front of the door of said locker. You might note that when in a shared space and not your home bathroom that it is inappropriate to give the shivering naked lady the hairy eyeball when she nudges your bag out of the way of the locker containing her clothing. It is also inappropriate to pointedly ignore the three shivering, naked ladies desperately trying to find someplace to put down their a) clothes and/or b) toiletries while they get ready to go to work BECAUSE YOU HAVE COVERED EVERY FLAT SURFACE WITH YOUR CRAP. When, instead of moving your exploded gym bag and attendant crap, giant pocketbook, giant makeup bag, shoes, coat, scarf, etc., you give all of us the hairy eyeball in the mirror while you continue to obscure your visage with multiple layers of pancake makeup in a shade of orange that would make it legal for you to go hunting in the state of Virginia (just a blaze orange hat makes ya legal!), that is considered RUDE.
Also, other lady at the mirror whose crap is covering the remaining flat surfaces, why o why do you assault us all with your cacophony of sound? We are all unhappy with the fact that the music in the gym is piped into the locker room and there is no way to turn it off or even down. Personally, I do not need to hear Beyonce or Brittany while I shower. However, it is not helped by you turning on the television, raising the volume to a decible level on par with the take off of a 747, and then drying your hair with that excrutiatingly loud hair dryer. The combination of Justin Timberlake bringing sexy back, the Today show wishing folks a happy 112th birthday, and your jet engine hair dryer is quite literally rattling the teeth in my head. Kindly cut that shit out.
That is all.